


Undisclosed Desires

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Meme Responses [4]
Category: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/M, Gen, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Atton muses on the Jedi Exile post-Nar Shaddaa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undisclosed Desires

**Author's Note:**

  * For [merlewhitefire](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=merlewhitefire).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Written for merlewhitefire on Livejournal -- this time with Atton Rand and "Now explain why you glow in the dark." Bit of one-sided Atton/Exile.

  
The cockpit was quiet save for the occasional, reassuring hum of the hyperdrive. The only occupants -- Arawn Sinn, the Jedi Exile, and Atton Rand, the pilot -- were sound asleep now. At the very least, Arawn was sound asleep -- Atton, as usual, couldn't sleep. He hadn't slept very well, not since the Mandalorian Wars. He kept having nightmares, about the Mandalorian Wars, about so many things he'd prefer to forget. The Jedi he'd killed  
  
 _he'd never known her name, but she'd stumbled to him in a fit of delirium, trying to save him. "I feel the conflict within you; let go of your hate!" and though he'd tried to deny it, something in him...responded to it_  
  
the revelation that Revan had been using him all along  
  
 _he didn't want to believe it. even as he'd hurt her and tortured her and hurled verbal abuse at her, everything in him screamed, "no, not revan, never revan". revan would never forsake them like this. never._  
  
Nar Shaddaa  
  
 _he'd wandered every planet in the galaxy, dead inside, but unwilling, for some reason or other, to lie down and die_  
  
so many other things he would have preferred to forget.  
  
And now...  
  
He'd moved past that obstacle with Arawn. She'd forgiven him. Everything should have been fine now. And the training...at least, the beginning of it...perhaps he could protect her, and atone for his sins at the same time. And yet...  
  
There she lay, in the cockpit seat, bathed in the blue light of the console, and even that simple sight was perhaps the most beautiful sight of her that Atton had ever seen. Gently, he tucked the tattered blanket over her, smoothed back hair that had fallen into her eyes. It was one of the rare times he'd seen her at peace -- she seemed so tense all the time, so rigid...so restless. But after Telos, she seemed to be healing.  
  
And yet somehow...  
  
Did he love her? Somehow, he wasn't sure. When Mical would ask him about her, he typically brushed it off with, "No, we're just friends". Even around Bao-Dur, he hadn't been fully able to articulate it. And yet, in between Bao-Dur, and Mical, and Mira  
  
 _sonuvaHutt, even_ Kreia _seemed to be getting into it. "you know how important this woman we travel with is..."_  
  
But it wasn't possible. Not after the other Jedi. Not after Revan -- Atton wouldn't say he'd been in love with the former   
  
_former, my ass_  
  
Sith Lord, but he'd been devoted to the Sith Lord, ready to follow him to death and beyond. And Revan's General...  
  
 _I must be out of my mind..._  
  
After a while, Atton finally lay down in the seat opposite Arawn  
  
 _the seat Arawn usually sat in_  
  
and tried his best to fall asleep.


End file.
